


The Ghosts that Haunt Us

by evoboo



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Spoilers for Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evoboo/pseuds/evoboo
Summary: Dimitri isn't the only one plagued by ghosts.  His are just the most obvious.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57
Collections: FE3H Holiday Gift Exchange





	The Ghosts that Haunt Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blacktreecle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktreecle/gifts).



'Don't.' 

The deep-voiced warning was mouthed so close to Ashe's ear that he could feel the soft breath like a warm caress sending shivers down his spine. A hand reached out to grip his shoulder firmly, holding him in place. Ashe stilled, frozen by the unexpected contact, then he slowly sat himself down on the hard wood of the pew behind him.

'Leave him be, he is too volatile at the moment. It's best to let the Professor approach him since he at least tolerates her presence.' Felix sat down at Ashe's side, his fingers still grasping so tightly to Ashe that the archer was sure they would leave a mark.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, both with their eyes fixed on the man who was slumped a short distance in front of them. He was collapsed indelicately amongst piles of rubble in the location of where the main altar of the Cathedral used to stand. It was a strange and dismal sight - especially in a place that had once been so alive with light and music and prayer. Now the space was nothing more than a dark and desecrated shell.

'You have been here every single evening... just watching him.' Felix eventually observed, breaking their contemplation. 'Why?'

Ashe didn’t respond immediately, instead choosing to consider the question and his answer carefully. His gaze remained on the lone figure of the Prince, just an indistinct shape who was all but swamped by the massive blue cloak that he wore. The only part of him that was clearly visible was the pale crown of unkempt hair that straggled past his shoulders, although his head itself was bowed deeply down as if weighted by an unseen hand.

'He has been raving about the ghosts that surround him.' Ashe licked his dry lips nervously as he spoke. 'I... wanted to see if perhaps _I_ could see them too.'

Felix choked a scornful and sour chuckle. 'His _ghosts_ exist only in his mind Ashe. The boar is mad. I would have thought you'd have realised that by now.'

'I think there is little doubt that _he_ physically sees them.' Ashe responded quietly. 'Mad or not, they are very real to him. I have witnessed him talking to them and begging with them...'

'I thought you were afraid of ghosts.' Felix's grip had relaxed somewhat, but his hand remained on Ashe's shoulder as if he was worried the lad would bolt if he weren't tethered. 'Why would you _want_ to see them?'

A small chill swept over Ashe at the question. Instead of answering, he frowned and balled his fists instinctively. 'You have _also_ been here every evening, lurking around at the back of the church.' He threw back at his companion. 'Odd isn't it - that in the entire year we were students, I never _once_ saw you set foot in this place - yet now that the Prince appears to have made it his lair - here you are!' 

'Someone has to make sure that bloody _animal_ doesn’t hurt anyone.' Felix snorted angrily. 'I swear... if he so much as puts a bruise on the Professor, I will kill him where he stands.'

'You think he might do that?' Ashe turned to look directly at Felix, his frown replaced by concern which etched worriedly on his face.

Felix snorted his disdain for a second time. Ashe's eye contact forced him to look sharply away and prompted him to finally remove his hand from the man's shoulder. Felix's scowl deepened as he crossed his arms tight against his chest and huffed angrily.

'You care about him...' Ashe stated softly.

'Shut up!' Felix barked. 'You have _no_ idea what you're talking about or how idiotic you sound.' His suddenly loud words bounced around the silent space, prompting the Prince to grab at his lance in a reactive response to the intrusion. Both Ashe and Felix tensed and shot to their feet, expecting Dimitri to rise and issue a challenge, but the Prince stayed where he was, still as a statue gripping tightly onto his weapon.

After a while, they both relaxed back onto the pew in evident relief.

'I understand, Felix I really do!' Ashe spoke so quietly that his voice was barely audible. 'Of course you are anxious about the Professor. We all love her, and now that she is returned to us, after so long...' He paused as emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He had to swallow hard to be able to continue. 'I don't believe that your _only_ concern is for her though. Sure, Prince Dimitri is just about managing to contain himself right now... but if he were to lose control and hurt her... it would likely destroy what little light is still left within him. If she were to suffer at his own hand; I don't think he could live with it - not after what happened to Dedue.'

'You are actually assuming that he isn’t _already_ beyond the point of no return?' Felix muttered harshly. 

Ashe's eyes returned to the forlorn figure crouched in the debris. 'It's only been a little over two weeks since we found him.' He said softly. 'Already, there is a marked improvement over how he was. It may not seem like much at the moment, but we can't forget that he has been alone in his suffering for goodness knows how long. The fact that he is managing to tolerate _anybody_ is nothing short of a miracle.'

'You really _are_ in denial, aren't you.' Felix spat crossly. 'I hate to break it to you Ashe... but that sorry sight before us is no longer a man, it is a beast. The sooner people realise that, the better it will be on all of us.'

'Then why are you really here, Felix?' Ashe's tone was uncharacteristically sharp and searching. 'You spent _years_ scouring this country for any sign that he was still alive, hunting down the smallest of rumours and following the most tenuous of leads. Why, now that you have finally found him, do you merely accuse him rather than help him? I don't understand why you bother to stay here, it seems rather pointless if you _truly_ believe there is nothing left in him of any potential or worth.'

Felix gritted his teeth and gripped onto his seat, digging his nails deeply into the wood. It suddenly felt as if the cavernous church was constricting itself in on him, the grey stone walls crowding together uncomfortably, making breathing hard, and leaving an uneasy sense of claustrophobia. Felix's mind was spiralling uncontrollably at both Ashe's words and the accusing manner in which he had spoken. Overwhelmed and off-kilter, the swordsman could only gaze open mouthed in consternation at the boy... no - the _man_ \- seated so closely next to him and who was staring starkly back at him unblinkingly. 

Swallowing hard, Felix searched desperately to find a suitably churlish response that would curtail this uncomfortable conversation from continuing but all that he could think about was how much the long years since they had last spent any time together had changed the sweet boy that he had known. It had been immediately noticeable on their reunion of course, that Ashe had grown taller and stronger, filling out physically and now standing eye to eye with the swordsman rather than barely reaching his shoulder. The never-ending war had also flowered in Ashe a gravitas and self-assured benevolence that had only been hinted at in the demeanour of the softly spoken and humbly enthusiastic youth he had been. The changes were as unsettling as they were compelling and Ashe with his new confidence flowing was obviously waiting for some kind of a confession from Felix - an explanation that the swordsman could hardly fathom in his own mind, let alone share with another.

Despite how confrontational Ashe's words had been, and how intense his question - tenderness was beginning to slowly creep over the archer's expression, keeping Felix's tongue trapped into silence and intoxicating his mind with the warmth of his grey-green eyes brimming gentle compassion. A burning sensation quickly ignited deep within the swordsman chest, which erupted into an overpowering inferno when Ashe's hand found its way to rest on his thigh and caress it gently.

'It's _okay_ to care, Felix. Goddess knows there is so _little_ that is good left in this world at the moment that it is nothing short of a blessing to be back amongst people I can count on and trust.' Ashe sounded wistful, but his kind countenance shattered when Felix growled fiercely, forcefully pushing away his hand and sliding along the pew, physically setting a distance between them.

'Nice to see you have lost none of your charm and exquisite social grace Felix.' Sylvain commented laconically slipping along the bench behind them and grabbing both Felix and Ashe around the shoulders, forcing them closer together again in a rough hug whilst grinning at them both. 'Dunno why you bother with him Freckles - you aiming for a sainthood or something?'

'Nobody requested your input.' Felix spat, although he was silently grateful for the abrupt interruption.

'They very rarely do.' Sylvain agreed easily. 'However, I'm not here to comment on your many shortcomings _or_ discuss my own multiple sins. The Prof has requested that the both of you get down to the refectory to sample the bloody miracle she has somehow rustled up for our dinner this evening. I'm taking Dimitri-watch until you are done.'

'I'm not going to be ordered about...' Felix began, but he was cut off by Sylvain's hand wrapping around his mouth firmly.

'The Professor has spent the entire day trying to get together something decent for us to eat Felix. I'm not going to allow you to disrespect her effort just to prove what a spoiled child you are.' Sylvain smiled wearily. 'You can wolf it down and be back in no time. Just... do it.'

'Fine.'

'Miracles will never cease.' Sylvain winked at Ashe. 'You aren't gonna give me any trouble are you Ashe?' He asked.

'Not me!' Ashe grinned in return.

'Of course not, because _you_ are a complete sweetheart... unlike Captain Grumpy over there.'

Felix huffed, wriggled out of Sylvain's hold, then stood and marched towards the door.

'Don't take it personally, Ashe. He's not coping too well right now.' Sylvain whispered as Ashe got up to follow the swordsman out.

'Its okay, I know him well enough and taking offence at his words is something I would never do.' Ashe reassured.

'You really _do_ deserve a Sainthood.' Sylvain chuckled. I'll get the Prof to mention it to Sothis, next time she has some divine intervention.'

'Save your breath, I'm happy just being a Knight.' Ashe smiled.

It didn’t take long for the archer to catch up to Felix, who appeared to have measured his stride just enough to allow the companionship without looking like he was actually courting it.

'You never said why you wanted to see Dimitri's ghosts.' Felix snapped shortly as soon as they were side by side.

'I didn’t.' Ashe agreed. 'It's not really that complex, though. It's just not all that easy to talk about.'

'Don't then.' Felix bristled.

'I'm not avoiding it... it's that I want to find the right words.' Ashe replied patiently, thinking hard.

Felix snorted at that. 'I don't _need_ fancy words.' He stated. 

'Right.' Ashe chuckled quietly. 'Okay then, so back when my parents were first taken by the plague, I was absolutely _desperate_ to see them again.' He paused a moment, carefully considering. 'Then one day, they were there.'

That brought a frown to Felix's face. 'You mean you _actually_ saw them?' He asked quietly.

'Oh, yes.' Ashe agreed. 'They were as real to me then as you are right now. And they were disappointed in me. Completely disgusted by the fact that I had allowed myself to become a thief.'

'You were ten Ashe. You had two siblings to support. What exactly could they expect of you?' Felix demanded.

Ashe shrugged. 'It was Lord Lonato who eventually explained to me that my ghosts were merely a manifestation of my _own_ guilt and shame, that they were conjured by my mind instead of being true spirits. He was a good man, Lonato.' He added sadly.

'So _your_ ghost's were... similar... to what Dimitri see's?' Felix shivered in the cold evening air and pulled his cloak tighter around himself.

'After Lord Lonato explained it to me... it made a great deal of sense. I did however became _terrified_ by the idea of ever seeing any other ghost.' Ashe fixed his eyes ahead resolutely. 'I needed so badly to keep on believing that what I experienced was conjured by me. If I ever found proof that ghosts were real - then perhaps my parents actual spirits _had_ chosen to haunt me because I had let them down _so_ badly. It would mean that my actions had prevented them from finding the eternal peace that they deserved.'

'Did you ever see any other ghosts?' Felix's voice was barely audible.

'No.' Ashe admitted. 'I have always felt a huge guilt that I failed to understand how hard Lord Lonato struggled with the death of his son, yet I was never tormented by his spirit - nor that of Christophe either. After all of the death and destruction I have witnessed throughout this war, none of it has lead to any other ghostly visitings. I think I am finally persuaded that my parents apparitions _are_ a manifestation of my own failings and self-doubt.' Ashe was silent for a moment. 'I can see that same kind of struggle in Dimitri. I understand how debilitating it is. I realise that was _always_ there in him - ever since the events of Duscar probably - but now it is so much more evident and overwhelming.'

They had reached the dining hall. It was deserted, although plates had been left for them on the counter, their names inscribed on a scrappy piece of paper in the Professor's inelegant scrawl and placed on the covers. They grabbed their meals and sat opposite each other at the nearest unbroken table.

'Wow, this _is_ good!' Ashe declared after a few minutes of silently stuffing their faces.

'It's amazing what can taste great after a few weeks of near starvation.' Felix agreed eventually, pushing his empty plate away.

'I'm sorry if I came off a bit preachy or intense to you earlier.' Ashe apologised softly, spooning up his last mouthful. 'I guess it's been so long that I've gotten out of the habit of managing Felix-speak.'

Felix raised an eyebrow. 'Is it _that_ bad?' He lamented.

'Worse, probably.' Ashe grinned cheekily.

'Why do you bother with me then.' Felix mumbled with a frown.

'Actions speak louder than words, Felix. I think you are perfect... just as you are.' Ashe replied shyly, a blush starting to tinge his cheeks.

The swordsman dropped his head into his hands with a grimace, hiding his face away, although the tips of his ears revealed he was blushing too. 'You just don't give up with the sentimental crap, do you?' He moaned.

'Not when I think something is worthwhile pursuing.' Ashe pushed at Felix's leg under the table with his own. 'I need to believe in something good, Felix - or else there is nothing worth fighting for. I _do_ believe in the Prince, and that he can return to us whole. I also believe in the Professor. Both of them rely on you, you know. The Prince _needs_ you...so, yeah... I guess I'm going to keep on hounding you. I don't mind doing it either because you know what Felix? I need you too.'

'I liked you a _lot_ better when you were shy and eager to please. How did you ever become so bolshy?' Felix grouched.

'Pfft. You _love_ a challenge. Don't deny it.' Ashe smiled at him.

There was a small pause as Felix collected up the plates and took them to the kitchen to clean up.

'I'm going to head back and relieve Sylvain.' He announced on his return. 'Come with me... if you like.'

'I don't mind giving you a bit of company.' Ashe agreed.

'I stay until the Professor is done for the evening. Just in case.' Felix stated.

'Sure thing. No problem.'

As they began their walk back to the church, Felix reached out and took hold of Ashe's hand very tentatively.

'Calling Dimitri 'The Boar'... it wasn't something that happened _after_ Duscar, you know.'

'Oh?' Ashe squeezed the gloved hand gently.

'Nah, it was all because of his stupid crest-strength.' Felix mumbled. 'When we were little, he was always knocking me off my feet when we played - he really _was_ just like a wild boar head-butting into anything and everything and toppling us all over like skittles.'

Ashe chuckled. 'I can totally see that happening! Sparring with him was as scary as facing you or the Professor.' He admitted.

'Thing is, just as soon as he knocked me down, he'd pick me right up again and hug me. Wipe away my tears.' Felix sighed at the memory. 'It was a fond nickname back then.' They walked in silence for a moment. 'The changes in him though, when he returned from Duscar scared me.' Felix eventually continued. 'His strength was wilder and much less predictable. He still apologised for it - but at the same time, in his eyes... you could see he enjoyed that strength somehow, that he was only barely containing it rather than it controlling him.'

'You know, I think perhaps the only difference between the ghosts that Dimitri and I carry... and those that you do - is that the one who haunts you the most is actually still alive.' Ashe's arm went tight around Felix's shoulders. 'The boy you remember is still within the man, always was. I am sure of it.' He murmured.

'Perhaps.'

'You have his back Felix. Regardless of the frustrations and the fears that you hold, that has never changed.' Ashe pulled Felix to a stop to embrace him fully. 'You protect him. You protect everyone. It's simply who you are.' Ashe cocked his head to the side in thought. 'You, the prof, Sylvain... you are all strong enough to help to save him from himself.'

Felix sighed and shrugged. 'Do you have _my_ back, Ashe? I think... someone needs to.' 

'Always.' Ashe nodded seriously. 'Not just me though - all of us. You don't actually think we put up with your grumpy for fun do you?' 

Felix snorted in amusement. 'I guess not.' He admitted. 'Then I suppose that maybe, between us all together, belief might _just_ be enough to get through this damned war.'

'It just might!' Ashe agreed.


End file.
